Hairy Buddha

It has been quite amazing what a difference adding a dog to our household has made. Not only are we more constricted in our movements (cat-sitters are much easier to find than dog-sitters) but I have found myself having to examine myself more closely…

Anyone who has seen The Dog Whisperer (Cesar Millan) or any animal-psychology makeover programme knows that animals sense our energy. Cesar is all about Calm-Assertive energy, about being consistent. In order for the dog to behave and do what you ask it needs to believe you are the leader – that you're IN charge and you know what you're doing. For some dogs it doesn't take much and for others – like the lovely Dexter – it is a constant battle.

For example, when we first got Dexter he couldn't walk on a lead without literally yanking your arm off. And then every thing that wasn't a 'normal' human got barked and vigourously leapt at – often straining at the leash on just his hind-legs. Man with backpack, woman on bicycle, child on skateboard, woman in wheelchair (that was embarrassing!), black sack on the sidewalk, horse, sheep, motorbike, woman with towel on head. The list goes on. But gradually through correcting him and ignoring supposed 'threats' he is much better.

But he still pulls on the lead and won't always come when you call him. Like I said. He doesn't believe we're in charge - he thinks he is.

Hence the self-examination. Calm-Assertive Energy. What is that? How do you do that? It's harder to implement than it sounds. When Dexter is going nuts it's all too easy to yell or get frustrated. I become Tense-Frustrated. They seem to know.

So, I now find myself constantly checking my energy. Am I Calm-Assertive? Most times I am not. I may be one or the other, but rarely both. But when I focus on it and I AM Calm-Assertive, not only is Dexter easier but LIFE is much easier. No faffing around, no stress just calm getting things done.

So, this morning, having finished a good book, I took Dexter for his walk. I WAS naturally Calm-Assertive. I decided to ENJOY him. Usually I see the walk as a battle of wills and I have to be strong. Instead, I ENJOYED his big black nose, ginger eyelashes and constant testing of me. Instead I thought – he's behaving as any adoloscent would – he WON'T get his way and I WILL ENJOY the process.

And that is a good metaphor for everyday life. If we resist what IS, if we see things as a battle – they will be. Instead if we ENJOY the process of life – if we allow others to be themselves and not take it personally – AND remain calm and assertive, how much easier would OUR lives be?